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Impact Write-Up (May 12th, 2011): Mama Jarrett Goes Downtown to Chynatown

Oh boy. Last week, we got a serious basketful of everyone and their mama on Impact. Between Winter and Angelina Love beating up on Velvet Sky, who was assumed and accused of being Kurt Angle’s mistress and the Cinco de Mayo celebration with Mexican America. I was so worn out last week. This week, we find out the truth, however. The Queen of the Mountain has been throwing her blame finger at everyone under the sun and finally narrowed it down, but boy is she in for a major surprise. Daddy Jarrett doesn’t know what’s coming his way either! All is to be revealed on this week’s episode so if you’re ready for it, dive right in. The water’s nice and electrifying!

So our show starts off with a rather meek and “humbled” appearance by the Royal Family of the Hillside, Karen Jarrett and her tagalong husband, Jeff. Again. They make their way to the ring and with lackluster attitudes, I must admit. Karen looks annoyed and Jeff just looks like he’s trying to knock an ongoing migraine. The crowd isn’t helping and their jeers just flood through the Impact Zone like a raging river. Stopping to hug his wife on the steps before he gets in the ring, Jeff steps in and takes a microphone, stating that they’ve decided to once and for all, call a truce. That’s right. He knows he’s mocked Kurt Angle in the past but tonight, Big Daddy is very sincere. How comforting.

Jeff tells Kurt to take a look at Karen, so sweet, so innocent and so fragile. I’m sure. He says that Karen wouldn’t hurt a fly and for her to be put in harm’s way, in the middle of the ring at Sacrifice, is terribly wrong. Just oh so terrible. Yet, we’re all dying to see it. He says he has done his best to keep her out of all of his matches yet, Karen keeps getting in the way. Womp womp. By the way, it’s MIStress, Jeff. Not MITtress. Just to let you know.

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Impact Write-Up (May 5th, 2011): Cinco de My Oh My!

Oh my my my! Last week, we got a reel of conspiracies with character zombies and measurement hungry tailor maids! This week, we’ve got an action packed episode of Impact that is bound to leave you hanging on the edge of your seat with laughter and intrigue. A healthy matchup with a main event to scream over. Not to mention, more information regarding the “mistress” who is set to turn The Queen of the Mountain’s world upside down. Not to mention, it’s Cinco de Mayo! Orale! Are you ready for it? I’m sorry. I can’t hear you. Are you ready for it?! I hope so. Vamos!


skip to the 09:19 minute mark.

So we start this week out backstage, with Karen Jarrett and her tagalong husband, Jeff. They’re banging on the supposed locker room door of Velvet Sky like a couple of landlords looking for their rent money. Sure enough, the door swings open and whoa…Velvet appears in nothing but a pair of towels. However, she has a face full of makeup. Yeah. I totally shower with my face completely done up too. It’s a favorite pasttime of mine. Karen tells Velvet that she’s solved the mystery and she knows Velvet is the one that Kurt hired to take a hit out on her. Nope! NOPE! But oh yes, Karen says and tells her that Big Daddy, aka Tagalong Jeffro, isn’t going to let that happen. So she needs to go blow dry her weave, put her skanky little outfit on and meet them in the ring. Why? Because thanks to Hogan and Bischoff, they have an offer for her that she cannot refuse.

Does this phase our adorable Vel Vel? Well, of course not. Even when Tagalong Papa tells her she’s stepped in it, she doesn’t skip a beat. “I may have stepped in it but at least I didn’t get it dumped all over me!” And that pisses Karen off and she tries to go after Velvet but all she does is wave her off and step back into her locker room while Tagalong pushes his wife away. Oh I so cannot wait for this. /sarcasm

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Impact Write-Up (April 28th, 2011): Zombies, Tailor Maids and Conspiracies! Oh My!

Good lard! Has it been a week already?! I have no idea where my time has gone but we’re back with another edition of the Impact Write-Up brought to you by your good friends at The Colon Cleanse! They’ll clean your crap while you take a nap! Last week, we saw a major shit storm hover right over the King and Queen of the Mountain, with promise of a new intruder to their kingdom. We also saw another break in the bond between a former chumpion and her minion. Not to mention that rabid beatdown in the locker room. This week, we have a match between two feuding BFFs, one of which is missing all her screws. We are also sucked into the dreaded conspiracy of the one who hunts Lady J. Who could it be? We may find out sooner than you think! So ride along little ones!

FINALLY! A show that starts out with the TNA Knockouts, pretty much all of which are in the ring when the show hits the air. It seems we’re in the middle of Karen Jarrett, lining them up and going down the line, one by one. She starts out with someone who appears to be the TNA seamstress, given the measuring tape over her shoulder and her statement of getting his measurements. Karen, being the ever so witty one, tells her to take her dancing fingers and dance them out of the ring. After that line, I’m pretty sure Karen should just be revoked from ever speaking on the microphone. Ever.

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Impact Write-Up (April 21st, 2011): The Sh*t Has Hit the Fan!

Hello there! Didn’t I just see you guys like four days ago? Geeze! I love you. Really. Last week, we saw two BFFs finally combust into a fiery pit of despair. We also saw a number one contender, gimp arm and all, come into her inner strength. This week, we’ve got a tag team match for the Knockouts Tag Team Championships and some backstage antics that could leave you either majorly excited or scratching your head in question. Either way, I’m determined to make this fun so grab your refreshments, take a comfy seat and turn up the volume because I’m going to need your full attention. I demand it! Do you know who I am?! Who do you think you are?! I’m the Queen! Me! ME! Oh just go read the Write-Up already! =P

We start things off backstage where it seems like the cameras are spying on Madison Rayne and Tara. The former Knockouts Champion is all up in Tara’s grill, telling that it was her fault she lost her title to Mickie James four days prior. She says that for all she knows, the two of them are in cahoots. Tara reminds her that it was her locked in the cage with Mickie and Madison goes on to say that she wasn’t there when she needed her. From what I recall, Madi, you demanded Tara stay in the back and play with little dollies while you unceremoniously got your ass beat. But that’s just one person’s reflection. Oh wait..nope, Tara remembers it the same way I do. Maybe we’re in cahoots! CAHOOTS!

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Impact Write-Up (April 14th, 2011): Come Over to the Dark Side, Angelina (We Have Free Drinks)

Oh oh Oh oh Oh! Oh oh Oh oh! Oh oh Oh oh Oh! The Right Stuff! Wait…this is totally the wrong website for that. I’m sorry. Where was I? Oh yes. It is time for yet another Diva Dirt edition of the TNA iMPACT Write-Up, brought to you by yours truly! Last week, we saw a zombie finally turn on her BFF. Brainssssss! We also saw a motorcycle accident leaving a fallen contender with a more than a few scrapes and bruises. This week, the theme is retribution and you had better believe someone’s going to get it! So if you’re all for the heroic story or even a healthy beatdown or two then step into my office. We need to have a little chat.

Our first glimpse of the TNA Knockouts comes to us from backstage where Velvet Sky is banging on what appears to be the locker room of Angelina Love, giving the fact that Velvet is screaming her name like a banshee. A second later, Winter opens the door and steps out, telling Velvet to keep it down. Velvet screams that she isn’t talking to her and Winter tells her that Angelina is resting and in case Velvet hasn’t noticed, Angelina wants nothing to do with her former BFF. Vel Vel, obviously stressed, demands to know what Winter has done with her TBP partner but Winter takes it as an insult. Angelina is a big girl and can make her own decisions, having decided she wants nothing more to do with Velvet. Winter tells her to just live with it.

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Impact Write-Up (April 7th, 2011): Oh Snap! Madison Plows Through the Competiton…

Last week, during iMPACT!, we saw a singles match between two rival Knockouts, battling for the affection of a drugged out and clearly twitterpated, blonde Canadian. It saw a sad defeat and a declaration of rescue, made by a scorned best friend, set for vengeance. This week, our beloved Beautiful People are set to challenge for the TNA Knockouts Tag Team Championships, in hopes of possibly rekindling the fire of their friendship. Will we see a positive reunion between the two blonde BFFs or has the sinister wicked witch finally ripped them apart for good? There is only one way to find out. Saddle up, boys and girls.


skip to the 6:30 minute mark.

Our first major glimpse of Knockouts action comes in the form of a backstage segment that shows Angelina Love, with her back to the camera. Winter is at her side, clearly stressed out and attempting to persuade Angelina, once again, that Velvet Sky does not care about her. She states that Velvet doesn’t have Angelina’s best interest at heart like she does. She tells Angelina that she loves her and will always be there for her. With a twirl of the chair, that damn mystery red cup rears its ugly head and Winter tells her new playtoy to drink her drink, it will calm her nerves. I’m pretty sure the only one needing calming of ther nerves here is Winter. Give that woman some prozac or something. Perhaps even a straight jacket will do the trick.

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Impact Write-Up (March 31st, 2011): Winter Puts a Chokehold on the Beautiful People

Welcome back, once again, to the another edition of the TNA Impact Write-Up here on Diva Dirt. You all know who I am so there is no real need for formal introductions. If you don’t know, you have a bit of catching up to do, don’t you? ;) Last week, we saw a definite improvement, in regards to Knockout matches, between two rival women who just can’t seem to get enough of beating the hell out of each other. We also saw a rather eerie and even, science fictionesque turn in the land of The Beautiful People. I can definitely say that I saw that one coming. This week, we’ve got a singles match between two newer rivals, who can’t stop fighting over a favorite blonde Canadian. There is bound to be blood.

Our first wacky glimpse of the Knockouts, comes in the form of Angelina Love and Winter standing backstage. Angelina has a red plastic cup of some concoction in her hand and Winter is stroking her hair, telling her everything is going to be alright. This is all just a small bump in the road. Winter tells her that her drink will calm her nerves. She goes on to say that Velvet Sky is a big girl and that she cost them their titles out of jealousy, she wants Angelina all to herself, to control her. Winter just couldn’t let that happen. She claims she is just trying to protect Angelina, nothing personal against Velvet.

Cue recap video package of recent months, reminding us all how this weird development came about. All those weird and SyFy channelesque moments that no one can seem to wash from their memory, leading up until last week.

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