Op-Ed – Page 19 – Diva Dirt

Mr. Glamazon’s Hitting the Ropes (Issue #18) – These Wrestling Boots Are Made For Walking

November 2, 2018November 1, 2010 by David

I know Mickie James and Kat Waters didn’t actually have to pack their suitcases or rent U-Hauls. They didn’t have to get new driver’s licenses or schedule service appointments with DirecTV. But none the less each girl just went through a very big move. Since leaving the WWE in the spring of 2010 both girls have signed deals with Total Nonstop Action wrestling, effectively packing up one stage of their respective careers and moving to totally new surroundings.

Fortunately Mickie and Kat are going to be just fine. Both are working for a high-profile company that will showcase them on television and keep them in the spotlight. The paychecks might not be as big, but money isn’t everything. Each should feel somewhat fortunate because professional wrestling is brutally competitive, with many athletes vying for precious few spots on a roster. At the end of the day wrestlers better love what they do because the odds of hitting the big time are daunting. And if they do get a break, they have to work extremely hard to keep their spot. Mickie and “Winter”, as Kat is now called, are two of the survivors.

I give each girl a tremendous amount of credit. Admittedly I’m not a wrestling insider, but I am familiar with some of the stress and anxiety associated with this type of transition. I’ve seen it first-hand.

The Women of Tough Enough: Where Are They Now?

November 2, 2018October 24, 2010 by Team DD

Roughly ten years ago, a group of eager wannabes queued up on the bitterly cold streets of New York City to audition for a new WWF concept. Tough Enough was looking for a group of 13 men and women to learn how to wrestle from scratch over 9 weeks. Two winners would be chosen, given WWF contracts and be on their way to becoming WWF Superstars.

It had its critics – most notably Triple H, who thought it exposed the business too much, and he might have had a point, as the first season gave every viewer a rough guide on how to bump, which must have resulted in a few shocked vertebrae – but it was a big hit on MTV, where it was hosted. Three seasons were produced for the network, with a fourth featuring on SmackDown in 2004 and was a rough blueprint for the wonderful programme we know and love called NXT.

Now we have been informed that USA Network is planning to revive Tough Enough, though it is still unclear what the format will be. It could follow the format of the original three seasons by taking novices and teaching them from the bottom. It could bring in indie wrestlers and polish them, reminiscent of The Ultimate Fighter; or it could take WWE contracted wrestlers currently plying their craft in Florida Championship Wrestling and put them in a house – though that version will probably be more scripted and moulded towards who WWE want to push. However, to judge how successful any potential winner of Tough Enough: The Return would be, it would be a good idea to look into its history.

Tough Enough produced seven winners – three female, four male – with John Morrison being the most successful of the bunch. But if they have a Y chromosome, we’re not really interested in them, no matter how long and floppy their hair is. So in this two-part piece, we’ll have a look at the fates of the women of Tough Enough, what happened to their careers, and what they are up to these days.

To start with, let us examine the fortunes of the three female winners – in the second part coming next week, we can have a nose around at the other contestants who didn’t win, and the ones who didn’t even make it into the house.

So why don’t we kick off with the originator…?

Mr. Glamazon’s Hitting the Ropes (Issue #17) – SHIMMER Cappuccino

June 9, 2017October 18, 2010 by David

Hey, I make no apologies, I’m a WWE guy. I know the WWE is no different than McDonald’s, Wal-Mart, and Starbucks, a huge, publicly traded company that is first and foremost concerned with profitability and market share. It’s a wildly successful business run by a man whose sole objective is to make money. The actual wrestling is secondary, really just a vehicle to showcase the individual Superstars, who in turn grab the attention of fans eager to buy the t-shirts, action figures, and Glamasuits that keep the money rolling in. And as long as the WWE is making money, Vince is going to stick with what works no matter how much some fans wish he would revamp certain aspects of his product (like booking the Divas strong on TV). Starbucks may burn their coffee, but they sell a boatload of it every day. I may grumble about the quality, and I may grumble about the price, but there I am every day ordering a white chocolate mocha from the barista (no, not Batista…although if this MMA thing doesn’t work out, you never know…)

A little known fact about me: I can’t function in the morning without a monster cup of coffee. I’m not one of those people that bounce out of bed when I wake up. I’m grouchy and irritable. My back hurts, my feet hurt, my knees hurt. I stumble around like Ric Flair after an all-night bender. Truthfully, my wife’s not much better, but since she gets up with the kids she already has a pot of coffee brewing by the time I stagger into the kitchen (God bless her, it’s the little things that keep love alive). I don’t even say hi to my family until I’m one cup down. Once I get that first cup in me, though, I start to get excited for the day ahead and I’m a pretty easy guy to be around. But before that?

What’s Next for Melina?

November 2, 2018October 10, 2010 by Melanie

Barring injury, it’s been a good two years for Melina dating back to her first comeback from injury in November 2008. The three-time Women’s Champion and two-time Divas Champion has spent most, if not all, of her run between November ’08 till Night of Champions last month at the top of the Divas division. That is, of course, excluding the 7 months Melina spent on the shelf between January and July this year.

A brief history lesson: Returning from her injury suffered in June 2008, Melina returned triumphant in November of that year, and chased Beth Phoenix for the Women’s Championship, putting the exclamation point on her comeback by winning the belt at Royal Rumble 2009. Next, Melina moved to SmackDown and began a months-long feud with Michelle McCool over the belt, including that Match of the Year winning bout at Night of Champions 2009. Traded back to Raw in October, Melina became the Divas Champion on her first night back and held the belt till her ACL injury in December. Returning in time for SummerSlam, she regained the Divas Championship only to lose it a month later in that high profile title unification match — and now here we are.

It’s not often that a Diva can command the spotlight for so long, so it seemed inevitable that the A-List Diva would join the queue of fellow former champions turned ‘another face in the crowd’ along with Eve, Alicia etc. following her loss against Michelle McCool at Night of Champions. That ‘face in the crowd’ status was further cemented by her and Gail Kim filling the usual Bella Twins spot of schmoozing with the guest host on Raw last Monday. But while it’s a breath of fresh air to see the likes of Natalya get a chance to shine, I can’t help but question… what is next for Melina?

Mr. Glamazon’s Hitting the Ropes: Glam Slam Mailbag #2 + First Glam Slam Reader Profile

June 9, 2017October 2, 2010 by David

It’s time for the second “Hitting the Ropes” Glam Slam mailbag! I enjoyed writing the first one so much I thought I would make this a regular feature. Thanks to all of you who submitted questions!

OK, let’s jump right in…

Reader: madslam2009
“Who is your favorite TNA Knockout and what do you like about her?”

Mr. G – I really like the Beautiful People because I have always liked tag teams more than individual wrestlers (Fabulous Firebirds notwithstanding…) I like how they generate a lot of controversy and stay prominently involved in TNA’s storylines. I admit they are not the most technical wrestlers in the world but that has never been my #1 concern. I gravitate towards performers that I find “interesting”, and there really haven’t been many great female tag teams (although I would definitely put LayCool at the top of any short list). I like that there have been several iterations of the Beautiful People, and I think they look great together, cut decent promos, and can carry themselves as faces or heels. My problem with TNA is the lack of interesting opponents for them to wrestler (I am not a big Tara fan) so I would welcome a feud with Mickie James upon her arrival to TNA.

Saying Goodbye to the Women’s Championship & Why This Could Be a Positive

November 2, 2018September 25, 2010 by Melanie

The retirement of the WWE Women’s Championship has been the big talk of the town here at Diva Dirt in the past week. The DD team has weighed in and multiple former champions have weighed in including but not limited to Beth Phoenix, Mickie James and Melina. We also got the comments of a certain legendary former champion too, but more on that later.

It’s with a heavy heart that all of us women’s wrestling fans say goodbye to the Women’s Championship. Say what you will about WWE’s Divas product in the past few years, but the history and lineage of that belt — dating back 54 years — must be respected. Female wrestlers who we recognise today dreamed about holding that championship belt when they were simply fans just like the rest of us. As Sara Del Rey, a woman who has never held the belt but obviously respects it, said: “In many ways, that was the most prestigious belt in all of women’s wrestling.” While I would argue that SHIMMER, pound for pound, delivers the best quality championship matches in the ring, no belt has the same visibility and lineage as the WWE Women’s Championship did. Seen by millions of viewers on a weekly basis and around the world, the majority of fans have grown up with this belt and trained themselves to think of it is the ultimate prize for a woman in wrestling.

Judging by the comments made by those aforementioned former champions, they have obviously been touched to have had the honor and privilege of holding that title. While wrestling is scripted, perhaps we underestimate what the words, ‘Former WWE Women’s Champion’ appended to one’s name can do for your career — even beyond WWE. While physically the belt has changed appearance over the years, to be considered as part of the same lineage as WWE Hall of Famers, Fabulous Moolah and Wendi Richter, is a ‘money can’t buy’ feeling for our Divas today. Following in the footsteps of even Trish Stratus, while a more modern day name, is an honor also.

The women’s division in WWE may not be where it was at a few years ago when Trish Stratus and Lita battled in the main event of Raw for that belt, and some of the matches may not have been as lengthy or memorable, but the prestige of the belt speaks for itself.

So as we say goodbye to the Women’s Championship, I want to take this moment to also say thank you. Thank you to all of those women who have held the belt, who have tried their hardest to uphold the legacy of their predecessors and most importantly, who have tried their hardest to entertain us fans as champion. No doubt, we all have our own personal favourite champions and championship reigns, but each woman tried to bring their own touch to that belt and here we are today. Thank you to all of you!

Mr. Glamazon’s Hitting the Ropes (Issue #16) – All Dressed Up

June 9, 2017September 22, 2010 by David

Like a lot of readers on this site I am in love with a pretty brunette from Los Angeles. No, no, no…it’s not Melina, although I will admit she is pretty sensational. Great looking, great worker. But c’mon, she defeated my beloved Glamazon at the 2009 Royal Rumble and stole her Women’s Championship. An egregious crime that I may never get over. Not only do I look more and more like an elephant as I get older, I have a memory like one too. Sorry Melina…it still hurts.

No, this particular brunette has been a part of my life for 23 years now, and to this day she still gives me butterflies and makes me feel light-headed. It all started back in the summer of 1987 when I was attending basketball camp at Franklin & Marshall College. At the end of the week my parents took me to the school bookstore so I could get a t-shirt or pair of shorts. As I was making my way back to the clothing section I passed the magazine rack and…BAM…something hit me right between the eyes. I felt like I had been hit by a bulldozer. Staring back at me was the most picturesque, beautiful woman I had ever seen. There she was, like an angel, on the cover of that month’s SPIN magazine – Susanna Hoffs of the Bangles. I’m not sure I believe in love at first site…but that was definitely the first time I felt incredibly attracted to a woman. I didn’t know a lot about the Bangles in general, but I knew I would soon be finding out much, much more.

Southern Belle Smack: The NXT Season Three Debate… Is it Doomed to Fail?

June 9, 2017September 7, 2010 by Cryssi

Season three of NXT is no doubt the most talked about season so far in the show’s history. Last week, during the finale of season two, Josh Mathews and Michael Cole made a historic announcement by telling us that season three is going to be comprised entirely of Diva rookies. When the average wrestling fan hears the term ‘Diva’, he automatically assumes that a hot girl with a nice set of puppies will walk out to the ring. Or what’s worse, is average fan may believe Diva time is really bathroom time. The majority of average wrestling fans are ignoramuses, but the point remains the same. What the term ‘Diva’ actually stands for is overcoming the odds in WWE land. That’s exactly what six rookie Divas have a chance to accomplish starting this week on NXT.

The decision to make NXT 3 about the Divas was met with a lot of well documented controversy. Fans, pro wrestling media personnel, and “writerz” took to their Twitters, Facebooks, MySpaces, etc. to make their feelings known about this upcoming all Diva show. A nice chunk of these people took one look at the pros and decided not to watch. Some people decided to just talk a lot of smack and back up their verbal BS with weak arguments and ridiculous ‘facts’. The saving grace in all of this were the real Diva fans. They chose to remain open-minded and optimistic.

The all Diva season of NXT could go one of these two ways: it could either be a success and the WWE could find their next breakout Diva or it could go the opposite way and be an epic failure.

Mr. Glamazon’s Hitting the Ropes (Issue #15) – Miss Elizabeth Tribute

June 9, 2017September 5, 2010 by David

Recently I was having a bad day at work so I needed something to lift my spirits. When I got home the family was out on a play date, so I went downstairs, threw on my blue Glamasuit, and watched a replay of Extreme Rules 2010. As always, Beth’s title victory did the trick. I perked right back up.

Not a day goes by that I don’t think back to April 25, 2010, Baltimore, MD, when my beloved Glamazon pinned Michelle McCool to capture the WWE women’s championship. I have such great memories of that night. Sitting in the front row. Cheering like a little kid. Jumping around as the ref counted three. I’ve watched the match 12,809 times and I enjoy it every time. To me the match is perfect. (I’d say it was “flawless” but, you know, I don’t want to have to pay royalties…).

But I finally admitted something to myself the other night. As much as I treasure the match, it wasn’t “perfect”. I have been so in love with the result that I overlooked 2 aspects of the match that sadly affect its historical impact. First of all, the match was booked as an “Extreme Makeover” match. WTF?!? Were the rules ever fully explained? Two premier workers shouldn’t decide the women’s title by using ironing boards and make-up tables. Too “gimmicky”. Secondly, the match was on the Extreme Rules PPV, a show people will ultimately forget (seriously, name 3 matches without heading to Wikipedia). This wasn’t exactly WrestleMania. So even though I was overwhelmed with joy and excitement that night, I have to finally admit the match wasn’t perfect.

Which got me thinking…

Has there ever been a perfect match?

Obviously this is a very subjective topic. I think it would be very, very hard to get two people to agree on the definition of “perfection”. So how would I define the “perfect match”? Glad you asked…

Mr. Glamazon’s Hitting the Ropes – Glam Slam Mailbag #1

June 9, 2017August 19, 2010 by David

Welcome to the first “Hitting the Ropes” Glam Slam mailbag! I enjoy writing my normal column but I thought it would be exciting to mix things up a little bit. I’m not exactly sure where I want to go with this, but at the very least it is a chance to interact with you, the readers, and to discuss some new topics and issues. Of course we’ll still talk about women’s wrestling but I thought I would open up Pandora’s Box and see what else is on your collective minds. Maybe along the way we’ll learn something about each other and…God forbid…even have a little fun. (I know, I know, I sound like such a mark.) So, I hope you enjoy the Glam Slam mailbag, a mixture of serious, humorous, and thoughtful responses to your questions and comments. Plus a few wrinkles thrown in for good measure…

Some Glam Slam ground rules: No topic is off limits. You want to comment on movies, TV, music, sports, politics, etc, go ahead and drop me a note. If there something specific you want to ask me about the Divas, Knockouts, etc., please don’t be shy. I will try to include all of your comments and questions unless they are rude or vulgar. Can’t have that. Also, if I don’t have an interesting response or I just don’t know what the hell you are talking about, I will either 1) reach out for help from my fellow Diva Dirt writers or 2) make up an answer. I hope nobody takes this too seriously. I have already received a bunch of good questions and I appreciate that. Fortunately I won’t have to make up questions to fill out this column.

So let’s get started!

Reader: BPhoenix1933
“Who do you think is the prettiest Diva in the WWE? And do you have plans Saturday night?”

Mr. G. – ok, ok, just seeing if you’re paying attention….

Here we go for real….

Lay-Cool & Melina: Where Do We Go from Here?

November 2, 2018August 16, 2010 by Melanie

Last night’s SummerSlam pay per view is in the history books and while Steven will be reviewing the Divas match at length later, I wanted to broach the subject of Lay-Cool vs Melina, which was teased to us at the end of the Divas Championship match. Perhaps an unpopular opinion, but last night’s attack on Melina at the hands of SmackDown’s mean girls opened up a world of opportunity and to me, was the Diva equivalent of the then-NXT season one rookies hitting the ring on Raw back in June, in that now infamous ‘Tiegate’ segment.

“Why was Lay-Cool there?” “Why did they attack Melina?” Those were just some of the questions that people were asking last night. Did it all make sense? No. But then again, did that NXT invasion all make sense that Monday night in June? Answers, I expect, will come tonight and in the coming weeks on Raw and SmackDown.

For what it was, however, last night’s angle was an explosive and exciting way to begin what seems like a new cross-promotional feud between the self-professed co-Women’s Champions and the new Divas Champion. WWE quite literally kicked things off with a bang, with Michelle McCool hitting that devastating running knee into a defenceless Melina, who was propped up against the announcers’ table. Kudos to all involved, because that had me — and I suspect many of you — anticipating what would happen next.

Mr. Glamazon’s Hitting the Ropes – Issue #14

June 9, 2017August 8, 2010 by David

“CHANGE”

That was the title of the email. Short, simple, just one word. Uh oh. I just knew this wasn’t going to be good. Like when the phone rings too late at night and you don’t want to answer it because you know it’s never good news. My heart started beating really, really fast. “Oh dear God I’m afraid to open it,” I thought to myself. I stared at the screen for 5 solid minutes. Finally I clicked the email message and read the bad news from the casting agency.

“I’m sorry to say the client has decided to only use the girl. I know you’re disappointed. I’ll try to make it up to you.”

The client? World Wrestling Entertainment.

Another few moments passed. I really don’t know how long I sat there staring at my computer screen, honestly. I took a deep breath, walked upstairs and told my wife, “Well, you’ll never believe it. They’re not using me tomorrow.” She could see the disappointment in my face. Nothing “life or death”, but real disappointment. She felt badly for me, she tried to lift my spirits, but I was pretty down in the dumps.

Mr. Glamazon’s Hitting the Ropes – Issue #13

June 9, 2017July 26, 2010 by David

Diva Dirt’s own Jennifer recently shared a great story:

In an interview I had a few weeks ago, we were asked, ‘If money was no question, and if you didn’t have to work for your livelihood, what would you do?’ My hand shot up. I was honest; I said, ‘I’d wrestle.’ The whole room erupted into laughter. The interviewer said, ‘Really?’ I said, ‘Yeah, I would love to wrestle.’ She thought I was the most interesting person in that interview, hah. I make no apologies – I’ll admit I’m a wrestling fan and if the conversation goes farther I admit my real passion is for women’s wrestling. If folks aren’t mature enough to handle that, then sucks for them. They don’t know what they’re missing.

I love this story for several reasons. First of all, I love people’s passions. I don’t care if you love the Civil War, collecting bottle caps, or writing poetry. I am interested in hearing more about it. I like seeing someone’s eyes light up when they talk about something they care about. I love how Jennifer didn’t worry about the reaction in the room. That’s the great thing about believing in something, about having a true passion. You feel it inside of you and that’s all that matters. I also love this story because it made me think, “Jesh, how would I truly answer that question?” What would I truly love to do with my life?

Well for starters, I know I wasn’t born to be a project manager. The job is fine, I work with nice people, and I enjoy business travel, but I don’t jump out of bed every day and mark out because I get to generate project plans. When I was a kid I saw the movie JAWS and wanted to be a marine biologist, but now I’m afraid of the ocean. Plus I don’t really want to be in a small boat all the time…I like my TiVo too much. So I’m glad I didn’t follow through with that. The truth is that I’ve always kind of known what I wanted to be when I “grew up”. I was born to be a booker. I was born to script professional wrestling. I never figured out how to pursue this dream, but I started to feel this way the night I saw my first match, October 1985 at the Hershey Park Arena. The next thing I know I am buying my first Big John Studd action figure and I’ve been booking ever since. Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy the actual matches, but I have always been more interested in putting together the card, of building the excitement of an entire show from one match to the next. I think I’m pretty good at it too, because ever since 1985 I have been putting asses in seats.

TNA Announces ECW-Inspired PPV: Should They Bring Back the ECW Vixens?

November 2, 2018July 23, 2010 by Melanie

Always first for originality, TNA’s next pay per view — Hard Justice — has been renamed Hardcore Justice: The Last Stand and will be a tribute show featuring many ECW originals. But of the names rumoured so far [Jerry Lynn, CW Anderson etc.], there doesn’t seem to be any women from the original ECW. Hmm, just an oversight I’m sure…

To help out Dixie and co., here’s our guide to the four women we’d like to see:

Beulah

Hardcore history: Making her ECW debut in 1995, Beulah was introduced a major catalyst in a feud between Tommy Dreamer and Raven. The two feuded over Beulah and there were many twists and turns including a fake pregnancy. After siding with Dreamer, Beulah was then revealed to have had an affair — with a woman! Perhaps her biggest highlight is a bloody brawl with Bill Alfonso. Beulah re-emerged in the WWE incarnation of ECW, catfighting with old rival Francine at One Night Stand in 2005 and then competing in a six-person tag match involving Lita in 2006.
Why she should be at the PPV: As Tommy Dreamer’s wife, it’s entirely possibly that Beulah may turn up at Hardcore Justice. Dreamer is reportedly putting the show together and it’d wouldn’t be a surprise to see his wife by his side at the pay per view. Perhaps a Dreamer/Raven rematch for old time’s sake with Beulah at ringside?

Watch Beulah’s match with Alfonso below:

More after the cut:

Mr. Glamazon’s Hitting the Ropes – Issue #12

June 9, 2017July 14, 2010 by David

I don’t get out much anymore. Balancing a job, a mortgage, a wife, and 2 kids doesn’t leave a lot of time for other interests. We try to see friends and family as much as possible but it’s difficult to get everybody’s schedules to match up. I try to do a little acting here and there, just to keep the creative juices flowing. I contribute to Diva Dirt for the same reasons. It’s all good and I’m certainly not complaining, but life is sure different than when my wife and I met in college. Back then our most important decision was “Bud or Bud Light?” Now we worry about things like parent-teacher conferences and soccer practice (By the way I’m officially a soccer mom now…who needs orange wedges? Off to McDonald’s!) It’s not like we were the Rolling Stones once upon a time, but my wife and I used to love hitting the DC clubs and staying out a little too late. We used to have 2 or 3 house parties each year that wouldn’t wrap up until the sun was shining. Good times. Now a wild night for us is staying awake until they announce American Idol results. So when my friend Patrick invited us to his summer party a few weeks ago, we reacted like lions at Morton’s Steakhouse. “We’re going….OUT?”

If only it were that simple. Should we both go? Should I go? Should she go? Are kids invited? Do we bring the kids even if they are? Do we drive? Should we get a taxi service? Should we spend the night? All things to consider. It’s not that we never go out just the two of us, but it better be for a damn good reason. Once you start getting babysitters involved the complexity of the evening triples, as does the cost. So normally we’ll all go somewhere, or one of us goes out while the other stays home and keeps the family train on track. The question though is “Which one of us gets to go?” I know, romantic right? (I’m happy to say the honeymoon is never over around here.) Here’s where we bring in our legal teams.

Attorney 1: “Well, David, your wife feels she should go because you went out 3 weeks ago for 45 minutes.”
Attorney 2: “Objection! That was to pick up flowers for his mother-in-law!”
Judge: “Overruled!”
Me: “Crap.”

Mr. Glamazon’s Hitting the Ropes – Issue #11

June 9, 2017July 1, 2010 by David

I told my wife last week that “I think we should rename our daughter “Gail” because all she likes to do is Eat D’Feet! Well, either she didn’t like the joke or she didn’t understand it, because she just looked at me with a blank stare. It was the same look I get when I forget to take out the trash or pick up milk. A look that conveys general confusion at the choices she’s made in her life (I’m also starting to believe the laws of Virginia prevent her from laughing at anything I say.) But, personally, I love this joke. I loved this joke last week and I still love it today. I’ll love it even more next week.

I guess I should have expected that response from her. She’s not really a wrestling fan so why did I waste my best material at home? I tweeted the joke. No response. No “re-tweets” or “direct messages” (how geeky does that sound Michael Cole?!) I’m pretty sure that stupid whale crashed Twitter that day. That must be it, because I’m sure SOMEBODY would have thought that joke was funny!

You get it right? (I hate when I have to explain a joke, but here goes.) My daughter is 5 months old. Her middle name is Phoenix. We call her the Baby Glamazon. She doesn’t play with rattles she plays with dumbbells. She prefers a tiara to a bib. Perfect. But now she spends all day throwing her legs in the air and sticking her feet right in her mouth (seriously, I can’t wait for the teenage years.) All day long she likes to “eat d’feet”! You know, which sounds like Gail’s finisher. So…um… maybe we should rename her “Gail”. (Groan).

I continued to think everybody else was crazy. How could nobody like this joke!? I’m pretty convinced I know what’s funny. I actually think I have a very sophisticated sense of humor. If I’m laughing, you should be laughing. (No ego problems here!) But then it hit me. Some might not think that joke is funny because it refers to Gail’s finisher, which has the stupidest, dumbest, goofiest, most ridiculous name in wrestling history! Of course the joke isn’t funny in the same way jokes about the Hindenburg and the Titanic aren’t funny. What a disaster!

Mr. Glamazon’s Hitting the Ropes – Issue #10

June 9, 2017June 20, 2010 by David

Natalya and I have something very unusual in common – we were both raised in a dungeon. The impact of this can’t be overstated and it obviously impacted our passageway to adulthood. As a member of the legendary Hart Family, Natalya was raised in Stu Hart’s dungeon. As a kid growing up in York, PA, I was raised in my dad’s living room. Both featured a lot of screaming and foul language. Both featured a lot of stretching. Both were probably not the cleanest places in the world. And in the end, both were places we were happy to escape from. Natalya graduated to the next phase of her career as a professional wrestler, and I graduated high school. These stories are so similar there are times I think I am actually an honorary Hart brother (and I have been known to wear pink…just not in my hair.) Natalya and I were both finally free to pursue our dreams.

Why was my dad’s living room similar to a dungeon? Well, when I started falling in love with pro wrestling, I had to beg, and plead, and beg, and plead, and beg some more for my parents to take me to nearby Hershey Park Arena to see the touring WWF shows. Neither parent was thrilled that I was starting to love wrestling (that “fake stuff” as they called it) which was probably because I was ripping off my t-shirts and calling everybody “brother” (you can’t deny Hulk Hogan’s impact on a generation of kids). But my dad was even less thrilled because I wanted to watch the WWF on TV each week… and our one TV was his. It wasn’t for the family. It wasn’t for the parents. His. His TV. I can’t stress that enough. I had to beg him to watch ‘Wrestling Challenge’ and ‘Prime Time Wrestling’ each week. Thank God he was asleep by the time Saturday Night’s Main Event came on the air. I felt trapped because I could feel something inside of me changing… I was becoming a huge wrestling fan and I wanted to jump in with both feet.

I remember the day when my dad reluctantly bought our first VCR. He looked at that thing like it contained plutonium that would blow up the house if we used it. He reluctantly agreed to buy it because my mom is a dancer and she wanted to watch some dance videos. I was a brainy kid so I tried to learn how to program it to tape my WWF shows (remember when programming a VCR took 43 steps?) and Lord have mercy if I screwed up and accidentally changed his channel by accident. “Time to learn the ankle lock, kid!” AHHHHH. (PS – I’m not a psychology major, but Freud would probably find a correlation between this story and the fact that I now own two giant TiVos, one for my family and one just for me. No one is telling me what I can tape now!)

The Artist Formerly Known as Katie Lea’s Short & Snappy Tales of Greatness – Issue #1

June 9, 2017June 15, 2010 by Team DD

Diva Dirt is honored to welcome former WWE Diva, Katie Lea aka Kat Waters to the team as she brings her column ‘Short & Snappy Tales of Greatness’ to our readers. Welcome, Kat!

So a few weeks ago (OMG, times goes fast when you‘re fabulous!), as many as you clever, clever people who follow me on Twitter know (it’s @dawgkilla for all you poor backwards people who don’t), I was watching the very interesting movie ‘Rollerball’. Now I am not about to turn this into a full-blown movie review- as, first of all, the movie is not new and has probably been reviewed to death, but second of all- I really couldn’t figure out what it was all about.

What I did want to mention, however, was the fascinating discovery that this film about a crazy roller derby/basketball mix featured not only Paul Heyman (in a prominent role), but also Shane McMahon (in a smaller part) and an extra that looked just like Justin Roberts… Imagine my surprise! And here I was, thinking I had invented the roller derby-wrestling connection courtesy of my very excellent, downright amazing rollerderbyist sister, @nuke_leah (again, Twitter-speak… follow her everybody!).

So, turns out, roller derby is nothing new. Be that as it may, it is of late experiencing somewhat of a new wave, a renaissance quasi- in fact, it has been referred to as the up-and-coming sport, the one to watch, the bandwagon to jump on. Which means of course that I, the notorious dawgkilla, am hereby pressing my finger firmly down on that pulse. And in timely manner, by a stroke of luck I finally got to watch my sis live and in colour, skating rollers and kicking ass… And thus figured out what makes this sport so special.

Mr. Glamazon’s Hitting the Ropes – Issue #9

June 9, 2017June 12, 2010 by David

EXCUSE ME! I said EXCUSE ME!! It’s time for some “Real Talk”! This week I am turning in my tiara for a full-zip custom hoodie…and I gotta admit, I’m pretty fired up. I’ve wanted to write about Lay-Cool for a while now but I keep getting distracted. First by Beth’s knee injury. Then by my sudden fascination with the Bellas. Then by my favorite French Canadian Maryse (I’m proud of that column by the way. It only took me 2,300 words to prove that Maryse is “hot”. I know, impressive.) But no more. Now is the time. Now is the time for me to write about one of my favorite tag teams ever. Honestly, I haven’t enjoyed a tag team, male or female, this much since the Hart Foundation broke out the pink and black almost 25 years ago. (Seriously…go back and watch WrestleMania 3 and tell me if you ever saw a cooler tag team.)

First off, let’s get this out of the way – some of you might not think Layla and Michelle are officially a “tag team” because the WWE doesn’t have an official women’s tag team division. Well, I think you’re wrong. I think Lay-Cool can be classified as a traditional tag team because they meet the required criteria, as defined by yours truly…and in this case I am the judge, the jury, and the executioner (no, not THE Executioner who lost to Tito Santana in the first WrestleMania.) Trivia time: What big name grappler played the Executioner that night? Did you know it was that Executioner’s only WWF appearance (and it happened at WM?!? WTF?!?). It also led to one of my all-time favorite Gorilla Monsoon lines: “I don’t know much about this particular Executioner.” There were others he DID know a lot about??? God I loved the Gorilla. My favorite Monsoon expression ever? Every time Nikolai Volkoff would wrestle Gorilla would say “the Big Russian doesn’t have a clue how strong he is”, usually right before Volkoff got pinned. Killed me every time. In Gorilla’s honor I have a framed Volkoff signature in my basement and I know all the words to the Soviet National Anthem. “Mr. Glamazon requests that you all rise and respect his singing of the Soviet…National…Anthem.” Boooo! USA! USA! USA! I would make a great heel.

Mr. Glamazon’s Hitting the Ropes – Issue #8

June 9, 2017June 3, 2010 by David

I switched the topic of this week’s column at the last minute. I was all set to write about Michelle and Layla and the “Rise of LayCool”. I had completed the outline and had my hoodies all picked out. But something has been nagging at me for a few days…

In my last column I broke one of my own rules. Truthfully, this has been bugging me ever since I posted it last week. I promised myself when I started writing this column that I would try to be informative, insightful, and funny, all within certain boundaries. I would not go for the cheap laugh at somebody else’s expense unless there was some validity to what I wrote. At first I thought the joke was funny. The more I kept reading my column the more I began to wonder if the joke was as clever as I originally thought. After reading my column for the 457th time (hey, somebody has to read it!), I really started to sour on it because I realized I may have just gone for the cheap laugh. I am a little disappointed in myself because I know better. There is really nothing funny about hitting below the belt. I’m also not a fan of obvious humor (think Tiger Woods jokes, Monica Lewinsky jokes, etc.) Anyway, I spent a lot of time reflecting on this specific joke and decided that I needed to either 1) defend it or 2) apologize for it.

Before I do, however, I want to be very clear about how I define “smart humor” and “cheap humor”. My boy Mike Knox is actually the perfect person to use for this example. Here is something I think is funny: During his last few months in the WWE, the announcers would make a big deal about how Knox studied “kinesiology” and knew all kinds of special ways to hurt people and inflict pain. Personally I think he should have spent more time studying “how to win matches” because he didn’t do that very often. (Insert laugh track) Now that to me is funny, and it is also fair game based on the silly commentary and poor character development. (Note – If you didn’t find this joke amusing, I’m probably not headlining Second City any time soon.)

Mr. Glamazon’s Hitting the Ropes – Issue #7

June 9, 2017May 26, 2010 by David

Thanks to several readers I have decided to join a Beth Phoenix self-help group. I didn’t realize I needed professional help, but after reading some of the comments from my last column, my eyes have been opened a bit. For example, Agent E suggested I was suffering from “too much Glamazon love” and even called me creepy! Jennifer L134 suggested I check out AA. Ouch! Who knew I had this problem? Who knew these types of problems even existed? I mean, I save every Beth match on DVD, I call my daughter the Glamazon, and I back flip into my office cube every morning, but is this an actual medical problem? That’s preposterous…ummm…right?

Maybe, maybe not. But the comments of some readers pointed out to me (albeit in a playful way) I should examine this a little closer. Truthfully, I have probably been in denial for quite some time. For starters, I guess I shouldn’t check every day to see if Smackdown is coming to DC so I can pre-order tickets. And I guess I shouldn’t walk around with a women’s title belt raised above my head. (I could go on and on, but in the interest of time, I’ll stop there.) So I thank the readers for helping push me forward. In some ways I’m starting to feel like I belong in the Straight Edge Society because my eyes have now been opened. Actually, I thought about cutting my hair, buying a Punk T-shirt, and going completely “straight edge”…but then I realized something. I could give up drinking. I don’t smoke or use “prescription medication” (God Punk is a great promo). But I can’t be “straight edge” for one very big reason – I am much, much, much too vain. Nobody is shaving or cutting anything on this money maker. The hair…it stays.

Side note – I always have my hair cut by a hot chick. Just a quirk of mine. I find a beautiful hairstylist and I stay with her. It is a deep and meaningful relationship is some ways. There’s lots of chit-chat, lots of head rubbing, and I always leave happy. The only difference between her and my wife is the money exchanged. (Joke alert! Thank you, thank you….I’ll be here all week.) First there was Tina. She got me through high school and college. God I miss Tina. Then I moved to DC and was in a tailspin for about 12 months, bouncing from one barber to another. I hit all the ones in Northern VA looking for my new girl. I thought I found the right one…Brenda…but then she tried to set me up with her sister. That went horrible wrong, mainly b/c there was little family resemblance…if you know what I mean. Plus her sister’s name was Wanda…that didn’t work for me. It was my one and only blind date. And yes I can be that shallow. Cut me a break, I was 24.

Mr. Glamazon’s Hitting the Ropes – Issue #6

June 9, 2017May 16, 2010 by David

The bartender could tell something was wrong. “You doing OK, man?”

I just kept shaking my head and staring at the ground in disbelief. Finally I said “Man, this started out as such a perfect night…” but it was barely loud enough for him to hear.

“What’s the matter dude? You’re in New Orleans…laissez le bon temps rouler!” I wanted to have fun, I wanted to “let the good times roll”, but instead I felt like I just got “coups de pied dans les noix.” (Translation – if you’re a guy that hurts.)

Seriously, it should have been a perfect night. I was strolling around Bourbon Street drinking a cold beer, the weather was beautiful and life was good. No problems at home, the job was fine, and Beth was the WWE Women’s Champion (I have always contended we are co-holders of the title, but that’s just a technicality). Then I thought I’d jump into a local bar, grab a refill, and check the Diva Dirt SmackDown spoilers. Just wanted to make sure my girl was still the champ after the Tuesday night tapings. Then I read the news… a 2-on-1 title match, Vickie’s back, a confusing ending, Michelle or Layla wearing the belt… what?!?! All I knew was that Beth wasn’t the champion anymore and I felt like my heart would explode from my chest. Not so much because she lost the title…but because I knew what this really meant – something was seriously wrong with her knee. “OH MERDE!” (Translation – very, very not good!)

The bartender said, “Hey, umm, can I get you a beer?”

I put my head in my hands and said, “Nah, I’ll take a Johnny Daniels over ice.”

“You mean Jack Daniels, right?”

I looked at him and mumbled, “He may be Jack to you, but when you’ve known him as long as I have…”

The bartender poured the drink and said, “Wow, you must really be upset about something.”

“You don’t understand, man, it wasn’t supposed to go down like this…I didn’t even get to write my Extreme Rules column yet.” Being that we were in New Orleans, lord knows what the bartender thought that meant. But I thought I had a few weeks you know? I wanted to be able to let the moment sink in and then write a coherent, entertaining column about one of the most exciting nights of my life. Now, the moment had passed, Beth had a severe knee injury, and Baltimore, MD seemed like a 100 years ago. The bartender said, “OK, then this one is on the house, you look pretty bummed out. Decu dans le Big Easy.” (Translation – I’m the only loser in New Orleans not having fun.) I looked back down at the floor and just kept thinking, “Did I jinx her? In some cosmic supernatural way did writing that stupid column about Melina’s injury cause Beth to blow out her knee?!” I don’t know.

How to Salvage What’s Left of the Knockouts Division

November 2, 2018May 8, 2010 by Melanie

When former Knockouts Champion, Tara’s contract with TNA expires on May 21st, there will be a gap in the Knockouts division that needs to be filled. For the past year it seems, the entire division has revolved around Tara in one way or another, she is without a doubt the star power of that division and has been the top Knockout from the moment she came in to the moment she leaves. One woman doesn’t necessarily define a division, but with a spate of departures including the high profile loss of Awesome Kong and the streamlining of lesser used Knockouts including Traci Brooks, Alissa Flash and Roxxi, TNA hasn’t positioned itself very well for a division without Tara. So what happens when she leaves?

The ideal candidate to helm the new Knockouts division as top babyface would be the recently injured Angelina Love, but TNA has done themselves no favours by limiting the roles of two former Knockouts Champions — ODB and Taylor Wilde — in recent months because there’s no strong secondary babyface to help prop up the division and make up the numbers along with Angelina. The heel side looks stronger as currently, The Beautiful People at the moment hold all the gold. Daffney is another extremely strong character and worker that could be a real asset to the division. Then there’s Sarita & Hamada, arguably two of the best female wrestlers in the world, just sitting on the sidelines and going to waste. TNA has given us little reason to care about most of these Knockouts over the past several months. And with that, I think that post-Tara, TNA needs to draw a line under everything that the Knockouts division has stood for so far and ‘reboot’ the division almost. Do something bold, imaginative and attention-grabbing to draw attention back to this division.

Mr. Glamazon’s Hitting the Ropes – Issue #5

June 9, 2017May 8, 2010 by David

On the April 30^th Smackdown, WWE Women’s Champion “The Glamazon” Beth Phoenix and Kelly Kelly defeated Michelle McCool and Layla. Read that sentence again, because I think it is THE turning point in Kelly Kelly’s career. I think it might be the most important match Kelly has ever wrestled. Teaming with the current women’s champion and picking up the victory over the hottest heel group in the company is a major step in the right direction for her. And the best part? Not a leprichaun, talking car, magician, or game show host anywhere in sight. Just a solid wrestling match that saw Kelly trade actual wrestling holds with girls who know what they’re doing. Heck, Beth even let her get the victory for her team.

Was Kelly great in this match? Hardly. Did Kelly do her “whirly-bird” flying head-scissors thing that looks really goofy? Take a guess. Did Kelly stumble through her “Kelly Killer” leg drop finisher? A big, big yes. Does Kelly have a lot of work to do to elevate herself to the class of Melina, Beth Phoenix, and Michelle McCool? Obviously. But she won’t have the chance to do that…to learn, grow, and improve…just wearing bathing suits on RAW. But here is the thing, we know (right or wrong) that the WWE is going to market this girl, to use her as one of the most prominent faces of the Divas. Therefore Kelly needed, repeat absolutely NEEDED, to move to Smackdown. The entire division will benefit from Kelly becoming a legit star and that can only happen on Friday night with this current group of writers. My fellow Diva Dirt writers and I don’t necessarily see eye to eye on this, but I felt it was the most critical move of the entire draft. (Please don’t stop reading, give me a few paragraphs to explain.) Along with Natayla (moving to RAW) and Mickie (moving to RAW), I felt these were the 3 most important “draft” picks of the year (well, 2 out of 3 ain’t bad right?!) Miss you already Mickie…when’s the CD coming out? Here is what I wrote before the draft:

Guest Blog: ‘Why WWE Needs Awesome Kong’ by John Canton

November 2, 2018May 6, 2010 by Melanie

Having listened to the Awesome Kong interview here at Diva Dirt and read a recent radio recap from her, one thing is perfectly clear to me: Awesome Kong wants to work for World Wrestling Entertainment. She’s not outright campaigning for it, but if you listen to her, you can tell she’s interested. The question is, does WWE have the same interest? I have no idea. The thing is, they definitely should and I’ll be happy to tell you why.

By signing Awesome Kong, WWE would be breaking the mold of what they believe a WWE Diva should be. Look at the women they have under employment. More than half of them had little or no wrestling experience before they were signed by the company. Awesome Kong is not like that. Kong started wrestling eight years ago, she had a lot of success working in Japan and then made a name for herself in 2007 with TNA. Anybody that saw her work with Gail Kim in TNA could see immediately how much talent she had. I had never seen her before that feud and it took my breath away. They told an amazing story by simply having Kong dominate due to her size while Kim came back with her athleticism. A lot of people took notice of her after that feud and it turned out they were a ratings draws too. Kong was unlike anything we’ve seen in American women’s wrestling.

The majority of the WWE Divas are also thin. We all know how shallow the WWE writing team can be if they feel somebody isn’t thin enough. They call them fat. They insult. They act like a bunch of eight year old kids on the playground. Awesome Kong is not thin. She’s a physical force standing in at 5’11” and 270 pounds. When she walks into a room, you notice her.

How do you bring her in? Easy. As a heel monster. On either brand. The easiest story to tell in professional wrestling will always be the bigger wrestler versus the smaller wrestler. The backstory doesn’t even matter. Let the picture do the talking. Big person = mean, small person = heroic. Easy. Done. A five year old kid can understand just as well as a seventy-five year old senior could. Let’s look at the easy way to bring her in on both Raw and SmackDown.

Mr. Glamazon’s Hitting the Ropes – Issue #4

June 9, 2017May 2, 2010 by David

You never forget the sound. Never. When your knee snaps and you know something is terribly wrong, your body immediately goes ice cold and the sound — more like a short crumble when you smash a soda can — is forever a part of your life. It can make you sick to think about even long after your knee is healed. And let me tell you, you can never, ever, ever watch a knee injury on TV without feeling physically ill. I blew out my left knee in December 2002, a complete tear of the anterior cruciate ligament (ACL). There isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t hear the sound. Unfortunately, now Melina can hear that sound too.

You become members of a strange fraternity. As soon as you hear somebody is recovering from knee surgery you immediately ask: “So how did you do it?” Then you tell the person the details of your own experience. It is almost like comparing war stories. The conversation is always the same:

“Yeah, I tore my knee up pretty good last winter.”
“Complete ACL tear?”
“Yeah”
“How did they fix it?”
“Used a cadaver…”
“Huh…I blew mine out 2 summers ago…basketball injury…chose the hamstring.”
“How’s it feel now?”
“Pretty good…hurts when it rains.”

Both people chuckle.

The recent rash of injuries to female wrestlers has been jarring. Melina tore her ACL, Daffney suffered a bruised sternum, Mickie James had a serious staph infection, Angelina Love tore her ulnar collateral ligament, and SHIMMER star LuFisto suffered a stroke, all in the span of a few months. And these are just the injuries that got reported. Each and every wrestler is probably working with aches and pains that most of us would use as a reason to call in sick. There is extreme pressure to perform even when not 100%, and combined with the increased physicality of the sport (i.e. high spots, ladders, tables, etc), serious injuries are likely to occur. These are trained professionals but obviously accidents can happen. Remember, just months after her debut, Beth Phoenix broke her jaw and needed reconstructive surgery causing her to miss close to a year of action. (Hard to believe she has 12 screws in her jawbone. That surgeon deserves a medal.)

Beulah

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