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SmackDown Redux (October 2nd, 2009) – Mind Your Own Brand Business!

Last time on SmackDown Superstars: The dynamic duo of Michelle and Layla defeated the not-so-dynamic team of Maria and Melina. Maria played rag doll and Melina wasn’t there to save her from interference from Michelle, so the loss only served to push the former friends ever further apart.

This week: Are we going to see a blow-up anytime soon, or will this simmer longer? Are we in for more skits, or will this 10th Anniversary special be more wrestling-based, with the drama reserved for a less prestigious event?

Justin Roberts tell us that this is a Lumberjack match for the Women’s Championship. We are then graced by the presence of Divas from all three brands (All entering to Eve’s music.. I guess because it’s the most generic?), and it’s easy to figure out who’s the challenger by eliminating each Diva that walks down the ramp in her awkward street clothes. Next through the curtains is Melina, and as she makes her way to the ring they cut to a quick shot of Maria. I suppose that will suffice for this week’s storyline advancement? I absolutely loved Natalya’s reaction to Melina’s entrance, like she was appalled. Kinda cute. Michelle is the last one out.

They start with a tie-up, and Michelle quickly uses her knee brace to take Melina down, planting it into her gut. She attempts a pin, but no luck. She pulls Melina to her feet, pummeling her into the ropes and then dragging her back to the middle by her hair. A shot to the spine later, she attempts to whip Melina into the ropes, but she reverses it, stopping her momentum and nailing Michelle in the face. She hoists herself onto the ropes and perform her patented leg attack, choking Michelle. She attempts to finish it off with a chop to the head, but Michelle pushes her up and over the ropes. Melina lands on the apron, fighting Michelle through the ropes.

Michelle reaches for a jab but Melina splits–literally–by landing in a split on the apron and then nailing her with a shot to the stomach. Michelle responds with a dropkick, sending Melina out into the Lumberjack’s domain. Thankfully, she landed on the “good girl” side, because all they want to do is help her to her feet. Michelle sees this and brings Melina into the ring herself. Michelle continues with her attack, kicking Melina and pounding her face into the mat. A few uppercuts, and Michelle attempts another whip, but Melina reverses it again, using this momentum to go on offense.

A few strikes later, she plants Michelle with a flapjack, going for the pin. The ref counts to two, and meanwhile I wonder how absurd it would be for a Diva to win the Women’s Championship with a flapjack. She gets the champ to her feet, but Michelle kicks her, whipping her into the ropes. On the return, Melina meets her with a kick of her own, then striking her in the head and dropping her to the mat. She goes for the ropes again, but she overestimated the kindness of strangers, venturing by the “bad girl” side. And sure enough, Jillian grabs her leg, distracting her.

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Vickie Guerrero Returning to the WWE, Managing New Superstar

We reported last week that Vickie Guerrero would be making a return to the WWE, albeit a one-time thing for SmackDown’s 10th Anniversary special. However, reports from the show indicate that her return is actually a long-term one: she will be managing the man she calls her “new boyfriend”, new WWE Superstar Eric Escobar. I’m … Read more

SmackDown Spoilers: October 2nd, 2009

This week’s SmackDown spoilers are in the tags below. The show will air this Friday, October 2nd. Click the ‘+’ to read:

More detailed spoilers now up.

SmackDown - October 2nd, 2009
Michelle McCool vs. Melina – Lumberjill match for the Women’s Title
Practically all the divas were out there other than Mickie James and Gail Kim. Savannah was even out there. Not much done with the Lumberjacks. Towards the end, Melina ran the ropes and Jillian grabbed her foot so she dove on the outside to take some of them out. Of course a brawl ensues. Back in the ring Melina goes up top and Beth pulls her leg to crotch her on the top. Michelle hits the Faith Breaker for the win.
Winner and still WWE Women’s Champion: Michelle McCool

Thoughts after the cut:

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SmackDown Redux (September 18th, 2009) – The Proof is in the Pudding

Last time on SmackDown: Michelle and Layla attempt to frame Dolph Ziggler with a camera phone and a timely crutch mishap. Said crutch helps Layla defeat Melina in a match later that night.

This week: Will Maria discover Michelle’s “evidence”, and will Melina feel the brunt of her fury? What about Michelle–is she gonna get off scot-free?

It looks like the WWE is going the extra mile to ~mix it up~, because we have a match to start out our night! That’s right, no lead-in backstage segments! I know, it’s not much, but you gotta cherish the little things in life.. Melina is the first one out, and Michelle follows, noticeably limping on her bum leg. I gotta wonder why she’s wrestling if she’s struggling to even walk down the ramp..

It should be noted that this is a non-title match, so don’t get too excited.. As it begins, Michelle shies away from an actual lock-up, and Melina’s right after her, trying to pull her away from the ropes. They eventually do tie-up, and Michelle knees Melina in the stomach, pummeling her a bit before irish-whipping her. On the return, Melina reverses Michelle’s attack into a flip that lands her on her feet, nailing Michelle with a reverse kick.

Michelle escapes to the outside, and Melina tries to give chase, only to be stopped by the ref. Gotta wonder why the ref doesn’t start the count until Michelle’s outside for a few seconds, not that any Diva match has been resolved by count-out ever.. (Feel free to correct me on that, historians..) Michelle starts to limp around the ring and Melina gets tired of the delay, sliding out of the ring and giving chase. Michelle, of course, hops back into the ring, and when Melina tries to follow, she grabs her by the hair, forcibly dragging her in through the second rope.

She takes Melina to task, beating her down and bashing her head against the mat. Melina, woozy, tries to right herself with the ropes, but Michelle brings her to the middle of the ring, kneeing her in the face. Another kick, this one to the side of the head, drops her to the mat again. She brings her up, stretching her backwards into a Dragon Sleeper. Melina’s bent into the shape I used to meld my Barbies into when I bent all of their joints.. (No, I wasn’t a problem child..)

Melina fights to get free, punching and kicking Michelle. Before she can free herself, Michelle hammers her in the stomach, releasing the hold. She sends her to the corner and begins work, kneeing her repeatedly and choking her with her bad leg. (See, the knee brace is good for something!) As Melina lays prone on the mat, Michelle rubs her hands together like one does after a job well done, running the ropes and looking to baseball slide Melina out of the ring. Melina, however, plays Jerry to Michelle’s Tom, hoisting herself out of the way just in time, letting Michelle go flying out of the ring. Though, I’m not sure what kind of mouse has that type of leg strength..

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SmackDown Spoilers: September 18th, 2009

This week’s SmackDown spoilers are in the tags below. The show will air this Friday, September 18th. Click the ‘+’ to read:

Even more detailed spoilers now posted.

SmackDown - September 18th, 2009
– Melina pinned Michelle McCool in a non-title match. Melina was bleeding from the mouth.

– The women’s locker room was plastered with the photos that Layla took of Dolph Ziggler helping Michelle McCool last week. Melina tried to remove the photos. Maria showed up, said that she knew about Ziggler helping McCool & accused Melina of plastering the photos in the room.

Thoughts after the cut:

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SmackDown Redux (September 11th, 2009) – A Picture’s Worth 1,000 Words

Last time on SmackDown: Michelle confronts Maria backstage, again warning her against Dolph. Later, Maria & Eve took on Natalya & Layla, with Eve getting the pin on Layla.

This week: Is the Dolph saga heading for a plot twist? How about the Melina/Michelle feud–is it going to reclaim the spotlight after being relatively nonexistent last week?

This is getting to be a set-in pattern, as we once again start the show with a backstage segment. We see the lovely and talented Dolph Ziggler walking up to the Divas locker room door. Michelle approaches him and turns on the charm. He says he’s looking for Maria, and she offers to help, knocking on the door. Oh.. This might get good:

Layla answers the knock, opening the door. Signs of a coordinated attack begin to surface as Michelle asks Layla if Maria’s in the room. She says no, and looks to leave the scene. Michelle, trying to look as enticing as is possible while one is hobbling on a crutch, asks him what he sees in Maria, wondering why he could be with a “ditzy little girl” like her when he could be with a “sexy woman” like herself. She veers off her crutch and Dolph catches her, allowing Michelle to get a handful or 5 of his ass. In the distance, we can see Layla taping the whole thing on her cellphone. He pushes Michelle against the door, rejecting the advance and repeating “No. No No.”. He leaves, and Layla shows Michelle what she got on her phone. Michelle deems it “perfect”. Uh oh.. Does GTV have a modern counterpart?

On the wrestling side of things, Melina makes her way to the ring, seemingly oblivious to what has recently gone on. One has to wonder how Maria will react to that footage, and what that means for her friendship with Melina. Something tells me shouting “I told ya so!!!” isn’t Melina’s style. Layla, accompanied by Michelle, makes her entrance, and we’ve got a match:

Layla gets to an aggressive start, kneeing Melina and latching her into a headlock. Melina shoves her into the ropes, and on the return Layla shoulder-strikes her onto the mat. Layla bounces off the ropes, leaps over Melina’s prone body, and bounces off the other side of the ring. Melina makes her own leap, getting some air as she launches over Layla, who reaches the ropes for a 3rd time and gets hit with a flapjack delivered by Melina. Dizzy yet?

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SmackDown Spoilers: September 11th, 2009

This week’s SmackDown spoilers are in the tags below. The show will air this Friday, September 11th. Click the ‘+’ to read:

SmackDown - September 11th, 2009
– Michelle McCool is backstage groping Dolph Ziggler. Layla records it with her cell phone.

– Layla (w/Michelle McCool) defeated Melina. Michelle set up the finish by striking Melina.

Thoughts after the cut:

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SmackDown Redux (September 4th, 2009) – Maria’s Got 99 Problems But We Care About None

Last time on SmackDown: Melina and Layla went toe-to-toe with Michelle again standing at ringside, this time with crutches and a knee brace. Another rough shove by Melina leaves Michelle writhing in agony.

This week: Is there retribution in the cards for Michelle? Or will she let her “understudy” do the talking/walking? What about Maria–will she continue to play the damsel in distress?

Once again we start this week’s action with a backstage segment pilfered from the daytime soaps. And what else could it be about but Maria‘s woes? I personally can’t wait to see what epic twist the story takes this week! Fake pregnancy? Evil twin? Elaborately orchestrated death? Well, at the very least, I hope someone wears an eye patch..

We see Maria and Eve in the locker room, discussing tonight’s match. Maria tells Eve that all they need to do is go in there with a lot of confidence and passion, because when you don’t have talent, a whole mess o’ confidence will solve all your problems. (Though maybe having a scheme of selling broke-ass calendars with self-indulgent and hokey slogans for $25 wouldn’t hurt either..) Michelle takes the layup that Maria tosses her way, and shows up to remark, “..and you’ll still be losers.” Michelle tears down Maria’s makeup and passion for rhinestones, saying that no matter what she does, Dolph won’t keep his eyes off of other women, like her. (OMG, is that a hint of a twist? Probably not.) She says that Maria is nothing but his “flavor of the week”. (Damn, this has been the longest week of my life..) Maria counters, calling Michelle the most egotistical Diva on the roster.

Melina appears out of nowhere (Seriously, was there a door over there?), but Maria tells her that she’s got in under control. But one insult later, Melina gets in Michelle’s face, and Michelle threatens legal action if she even lays a finger on her. Obviously not interested in filing legal papers just yet, Michelle leaves before things can unravel. Melina apologizes on her behalf, but Maria tells her to stay out of her business. I couldn’t agree more with that sentiment–let’s all stay out of her business! No? Okay..

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SmackDown Spoilers: September 4th, 2009

This week’s SmackDown spoilers are in the tags below. Show airs on Friday, be sure to check back for Erin’s Redux! Click the ‘+’ to read:

Full spoilers now added.

SmackDown - September 4th, 2009
– Maria & Eve are backstage, Michelle walks in and tells Maria that Dolph will leave her. Melina enters the picture and threatens to hit Michelle, but Maria tells her to stay out of her business.

– Maria & Eve Torres defeated Natalya & Layla when Eve pinned Layla.

Thoughts after the cut:

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SmackDown Redux (August 28th, 2009) – The Acting May Suck, But the Understudy Still Shines

Last time on SmackDown: Michelle made her return, sitting at ringside as Melina & Maria defeated Layla & Natalya. No physicality form Michelle other than a shove onto the keister by Melina.

This week: Will Michelle step up into a more physical role, or is she still sidelined? Will the WWE even acknowledge her injury? Will Maria grace us with another mind-blowing in-ring performance? Let’s dive in and see!

This week’s Diva action starts off much like it has in the past few weeks (the “Michelle-less weeks”, as I like to call them). Even though Michelle’s back and we have an actual wrestling storyline to promote, Maria is still having problems with Dolph, the part-time wrestler, part-time C-Grade porn star. Melina mentions something about “going around in circles”, and I think that describes this storyline pretty well–it’s like a dog chasing its tail, always with some sliver of a harebrained goal, but never quite reaching it. But even the dog gives up eventually, so we’ll have to wait and see if this actually plays out.

Okay, enough with the mixed metaphors. Maria seems pretty frustrated with Melina, asking her why she can’t just be happy for her. Maybe because, with this Dolph thing, you’re fixing to drive into a brick wall? Maybe Melina should just say “Bon voyage!” and send you on your way. Melina explains that she saw Dolph with another woman after SummerSlam. (Are you sure he wasn’t just looking into a mirror? Dude’s pretty feminine-looking.) Maria pulls out the old “Mean Girls” argument, telling Melina that she’s probably just jealous of her. Melina tells her she’s sorry and splits, just as Dolph comes up. He tells Maria that the woman he was with was his sister. (OMG, maybe she looks exactly like him but with a longer blonde wig. I’d pay to see that.) Maria believes it, of course, and we’re set for another few weeks of captivating drama. UNTIL NEXT WEEK, on “The Young & the Shitty Wrestlers”.

Watch the segment below, then skip to 4:40 to see the subsequent match:

Now that we’ve got the backstage portion of the show out of the way, we have an actual match to get to (Please excuse the male match in between on the video–don’t they know that all male matches are glorified piss breaks? They’re not even real wrestlers!) Michelle has made her way to the ring and she’s on crutches! Shit. She takes the microphone and explains that due to Melina’s brutal attack last week, she’s got an injured knee. What a coincidence! She says she’s not medically cleared to wrestle and shouldn’t even be standing on it (Probably shouldn’t be wearing sky-high heels either.. Just sayin’.) She says that Melina ruined the night. Thanks a lot, Melina! God, what a bitch!

But seriously, Michelle’s mic work is definitely improving–she works the crowd, and plays the arrogant heel role pretty well. All she needs to work on is her lack of inflection due to her strong southern accent. She goes on to introduce Melina’s opponent for the night, whom she describes as a dear friend: Layla! As she makes her entrance, Todd describes her as Michelle’s “understudy” of sorts, and I have to admit that she’s not a terrible replacement–you could certainly do worse. Melina comes to the ring, and we can start the mach. They start with a tie-up, which Melina dominates into a pin attempt. No cigar, and Layla takes the advantage, tweaking Melina’s arm and kicking her in the gut for good measure, keeping a tight hold on the arm. Melina breaks free with a kick of her own, delivers an irish-whip that is reversed into the corner, and meets a charging Layla with two feet to the face. (Whoa, did the WWE pipe in that reaction? Damn.) Melina takes Layla down with a leap from the top rope, and sells her left ankle, which always seems to be giving her trouble.

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Detailed SmackDown Spoilers for August 28th, 2009

Diva Dirt reader, Bryan sent in detailed spoilers from last night’s taping. Show airs on Friday, check back for the Redux! Click the ‘+’ to read:

SmackDown - August 28th, 2009
– Melina & Maria have a backstage segment talking about Dolph Ziggler. It was pretty much what has been happening in the past weeks, but Melina mentions something about seeing Dolph with some girl backstage at SummerSlam & later on in the segment Maria snaps at Melina in a verbal way not physical. Melina warns Maria again before leaving the segment as Dolph comes in to tell Maria it was his sister.

– Melina def. Layla. Michelle McCool comes out with crutches and sits at the announcers’ table. I’m not sure if they are going to show her coming down to the announcers’ table because she did take a long time. Michelle grabs the mic talking about how she is so sad for all the people that paid good money to see her but can’t see her in action because of Melina shoving her last week, she then continues to whine about how its all Melina’s fault she can’t compete. Her voice sounded better on mic than on commentary I think.

She then introduces Layla as Melina’s opponent, saying how good of a friend she is to her. Layla comes out with her attire she had last week with the orange & black. Then Melina comes out wearing her leopad print attire, I guess.

As for the match, I thought it was pretty decent, Layla got to control most of the match by attacking Melina’s legs & Melina finished the matched with her leg-split finisher.

Thoughts after the cut:

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SmackDown Redux (August 21st, 2009) – Guess Who’s Back..

This week, we were promised the return of one Michelle McCool, Women’s Champion and recent victim of a knee injury. The details of her return were kept mum, so in what capacity will we see Michelle, if at all? Let’s watch and see if she turns up:

On the cards is a tag team match, teaming up Melina and her tag team partner (who we can only assume beat Eve in a coin flip) Maria. Going up against them will be Layla, Melina opponent last week, and Natalya, a Diva whom the WWE seemingly can’t decide if they want to wrestle or manage. This week, luckily, she’s on in-ring duty.

But who oh who makes the first entrance? Michelle! She makes her way (Gingerly? I couldn’t tell.) to the announcers’ table and takes a seat next to JR and Todd Grisham. We’ll see if they acknowledge her absence or just ignore the giant blonde hobbling elephant in the room. Melina and Maria then make a tandem entrance, and I wonder if Michelle visits Diva Dirt, because her first words on the duo express my sentiments exactly (“What is Maria wearing?!”). Gotta dig deeper than the obvious with these insults, Michelle.

A few more fashion-based insults pegged at Maria (Seriously, someone check Michelle’s browser history.), and Michelle shows a bit more charisma. Now, she’s not Trish Stratus or anything, but I sense some improvement. She just needs to work of her inflection and not sound dead-bored when speaking on the mic. As Layla and Natalya make their entrance, Michelle expresses some fondness towards who Todd describes as her “message girl”. Michelle refutes that claim, insisting that these past few weeks were just a vacation for her. Okay, so I guess the injury may not be as serious as once thought? You know, since they’re skirting around the issue and all..

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SmackDown Spoilers: August 21st, 2009

Spoilers for this Friday’s SmackDown are up. Click the ‘+’ sign to view:

SmackDown - August 21st, 2009
– Maria and Melina vs. Layla and Natalya is next. Melina pins Natalya with a sunset flip. (Source: NoDQ.com)

– According to fans at the event, Michelle made an appearance at ringside during the match:
“Michelle joined the commentary team for the match of Melina and Maria vs. Layla and Natalya. She appeared to be walking with a bit of a limp. Midway through the match, Michelle stood up and held up her title.”

Thoughts after the cut:

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SmackDown Redux (August 14th, 2009) – Shoot the Messenger

You might have noticed that I decided to forgo a Redux last week, as there was no match on the show, and analyzing a mere backstage segment with no real bearing on the women’s division would be akin to giving G.I. Joe a thorough character analysis–there just ain’t no point. However, this week’s SmackDown started off quite inauspiciously with what else but another MARIA-CENTERED BACKSTAGE SEGMENT!!!! *cue Psycho theme* Jump to the 1:00 mark to watch:

I feel silly for really “reviewing” this, but I figure it might lead to something eventually, so I’ll just go for it. Maria‘s gushing about Dolph, and Melina smiles, playing the supportive friend. It feels so strange to see her even care, since I’m so conditioned to her nasty heel attitude. At this point, I’d kill for her bitch side to take over–it’d keep segments like these to a minimum.

And just as I pray for daylight, Layla comes in to save the day. She plays the catty heel pretty well (“YAYYYYY FOR LOVE!”) and, like Melina did last week, warns Maria against Dolph, for for much different reasons. Apparently, the glorified Oompah Loompah twin is a hot commodity backstage, and Maria may not be hot enough to hold him. And shifting to more important matters, Layla delivers a message to Melina: Michelle will be back next week. It’s kind of funny, though, because it’s a minuscule version of what I suggested they do with Melina/Michelle/Layla earlier this week. Melina seems unenthused at the news, but I’m doing backflips. Melina tells Layla that she has a message for Layla to send back to Michelle, and she’ll give it to her in the ring. OH, IT’S ON NOW!

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SmackDown Spoilers: August 14th, 2009

We’ve got spoilers for this Friday’s SmackDown for your perusal. The show will be airing August 14th. Highlight below to read:

*According to sources, Melina and Maria have a backstage segment similar to the one on last week’s show, except with Layla added into the mix.

*It is announced that Michelle McCool will be returning to SmackDown next week.

*Melina defeats Layla.

Thoughts under the cut:

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SmackDown Spoilers: August 7th, 2009

Spoilers for this Friday’s SmackDown are online. The show will air August 7th. Highlight below to read:

*Backstage, Maria and Melina talked about Maria’s relationship with Dolph. Melina said she was happy for Maria but she hears bad things about Ziggler in the locker room. Maria says the Dolph in the ring isn’t how he is outside of it and he treats her good. Melina said she was happy for her but to be careful. [Source: PWInsider.com]

Thoughts under the cut:

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Layla Makes SmackDown Too… Kinda!

Everyone’s favourite Londoner turned Miami Heat dancer turned WWE Diva, Layla also made an appearance as part of last night’s SmackDown — well the online edition anyway, in “SmackDown After the Bell.” This week’s After the Bell saw Layla confront Ricky Ortiz for interrupting her last week and shows off some of her comedy chops: … Read more

SmackDown Spoilers: July 17th, 2009

This week’s SmackDown spoilers are below, highlight to read:

– Layla came out in a Miami Heat jersey and dances for the crowd. Ricky Ortiz interrupts and cuts a promo, he gives Layla a towel but she drops it.

– The Hart Dynasty def. Cryme Tyme & Eve Torres in a six person tag team match. Natalya pinned Eve for the win.

Melanie’s thoughts under the cut:

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